I have mixed feelings about online dating in general, but I'm trying to be a good sport. I bought a three-month membership and answer e-mails in a timely fashion and I rate my daily matches . . . well . . . daily. I'm a good match.com citizen. But there's a glaring omission in your profile questionnaire and I think it would be helpful if you added it in the "About Him."
This all came about during my first sleepover with James*. To give you some background, James is educated, intelligent, wants kids, doesn't smoke, works out regularly, pays for all our dates and is genuinely a decent human being. Friends asked me what was wrong with him, and I really didn't have anything to say. (Just so you know, that's rare for me--I always have lots of things to say.) So, last weekend I agree to go back to his house after a fun night out. James and I head upstairs, and before we even pull the comforter back, he is hunting for the remote control. I change and brush my teeth and touch up my make-up (which is the opposite of removing my make-up) and climb into bed with James. And Rachel Maddow.
There's nothing that screams “Welcome to the 21st Century!” quite like crawling into bed with a guy from the internet and a TV personality. Granted, Rachel wasn't actually in the bed. No, she was fussing about life on a 60 inch high-def television only two feet from the end of the bed. I’m pretty sure her head was bigger on that screen than it would have been in real life. (At least, I hope her head isn’t that big in real life . . .)
Don’t get me wrong, I like Rachel Maddow, and I've no doubt she's one of the more intelligent people on TV. But I don't want to go to bed with her. Or Bill Maher. Or any of the dirty, hairy men featured on Game of Thrones. I’m trying to be okay sharing my bed with one other person, but am I really expected to share the bedroom with one person and all of cable network's talking heads? I hope not.
So, my complaint is that you neglected to include sleeping rituals in your profile questionnaire. Since people spend one-third of their lives sleeping (or trying to sleep,) I think sleeping habits are really important in determining compatibility. I'm sure you're overworked and underpaid--who isn't?--so I've done the work for you. Here is the question you should be asking, along with the most common answers:
How do you fall asleep at night? (Select all that apply.)
This all came about during my first sleepover with James*. To give you some background, James is educated, intelligent, wants kids, doesn't smoke, works out regularly, pays for all our dates and is genuinely a decent human being. Friends asked me what was wrong with him, and I really didn't have anything to say. (Just so you know, that's rare for me--I always have lots of things to say.) So, last weekend I agree to go back to his house after a fun night out. James and I head upstairs, and before we even pull the comforter back, he is hunting for the remote control. I change and brush my teeth and touch up my make-up (which is the opposite of removing my make-up) and climb into bed with James. And Rachel Maddow.
There's nothing that screams “Welcome to the 21st Century!” quite like crawling into bed with a guy from the internet and a TV personality. Granted, Rachel wasn't actually in the bed. No, she was fussing about life on a 60 inch high-def television only two feet from the end of the bed. I’m pretty sure her head was bigger on that screen than it would have been in real life. (At least, I hope her head isn’t that big in real life . . .)
Don’t get me wrong, I like Rachel Maddow, and I've no doubt she's one of the more intelligent people on TV. But I don't want to go to bed with her. Or Bill Maher. Or any of the dirty, hairy men featured on Game of Thrones. I’m trying to be okay sharing my bed with one other person, but am I really expected to share the bedroom with one person and all of cable network's talking heads? I hope not.
So, my complaint is that you neglected to include sleeping rituals in your profile questionnaire. Since people spend one-third of their lives sleeping (or trying to sleep,) I think sleeping habits are really important in determining compatibility. I'm sure you're overworked and underpaid--who isn't?--so I've done the work for you. Here is the question you should be asking, along with the most common answers:
How do you fall asleep at night? (Select all that apply.)
1. I have no idea. I take Ambien every night and I can't remember what happens after 9pm.
2. I read a book or magazine.
3. I watch Netflix on my iPad so as not to disturb my roommates and/or cat.
4. I watch TV for at least an hour. If you try and turn it off, I wake up and rewind the programming, subjecting you to the same half hour of television you already saw while waiting for me to fall asleep so you could turn off the TV.
5. I drink until I pass out on the couch/barstool/floor.
If you had asked this question (and James had answered honestly), he would have told you he requires TV to fall asleep. I might not have gone out with James at all. And if I had gone out with James, I would have been better prepared for my first threesome. Instead, I spent my first night with James and Rachel Maddow. And that’s just not cool.
Now I've got to have a conversation with James to see if there's some room for negotiation. I have my doubts. James was pretty emphatic that he could not fall asleep without the TV, and he didn't seem too eager to try. In the future, you should send him some matches with similar sleeping habits. As for me, it looks like I'll be needing a new match too. Or a prescription for Ambien. Or maybe both.
Sincerely,
*Named changed to protect the identity of the man who not-so-jokingly refers to the remote control as his pacifier.
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