Lawyers for Better Lawyer Movies

Dear Hollywood-

I saw the movie Arbitrage last weekend.  It's an interesting enough premise.  I'm no movie critic, but here's a summary to refresh your memory:

Robert Miller is a guy who's juggling too many balls at once.  While he appears the portrait of success in business and family, he's really  in over his head.  Robert Miller is desperately trying to complete the sale of his hedge fund empire to a major bank before his fraud is revealed. Oh yeah, and he's also trying to keep his affair with a French art dealer on the down low.  Under immense stress to complete the sale, Robert Miller convices the French art dealer that they should take a roadtrip getaway.  You know where this is going.  Robert Miller gets in an accident that kills the French art-dealer.  Unwilling to call police and compromise his reputation (and therefore, the sale), Robert Miller places a call to family friend Jimmy Grant. The phone call raises suspicions at NYPD, where detectives there are as corrupt as . . .  well . . . their New Orleans Police Department counterparts.  

I remember thinking that the first half of the movie was well-cast and well-acted.  Presumably, the second half of the movie was too, but I was so distracted by the glaring errors in criminal procedure that I failed to notice much else.  I know you aren't a lawyer, so I'll make this brief.

The Constitution of the United States of America has a Fifth Amendment.  You should probably read it sometime.  It says that no person can be compelled to be a witness against himself.  That means the unfortunate Jimmy Grant wouldn't have been be in a grand jury room testifying against himself. He would have "plead the Fifth," which means that he would have exercised his right not to testify against himself.

There are other legal problems too:

• If Jimmy Grant had testified before a Grand Jury, his attorney wouldn't have been present.
• If Jimmy Grant's attorney neglected to tell him that he had a right not to testify against himself, Jimmy Grant's attorney would have been committing professional malpractice.
• Robert Miller wasn't apprehended at the scene of the accident so there is no proof that he was intoxicated.  That makes it virtually impossible that he would be charged with involuntary manslaughter because no one could have proven that he was acting recklessly at the time of the French art dealer's death.  Car accidents happen all the time.  People die all the time.  The people who caused the accidents aren't criminally liable unless it can be proven they were under the influence at the time of the accident.
• The New York Penal Code imposes a sentence of 3 to 15 years for involuntary manslaughter.  Robert Miller's attorney told him he was facing 10 years.  Lying to your client because you're too lazy to look in the Penal Code also qualifies as malpractice.
• The evidence concocted by the NYPD still only proves that Robert Miller left the scene of an accident without notifying police.  That is a crime, but it's a pretty minor traffic offense.  In New York, leaving the scene of an accident carries a fine of $250 and a maximum sentence of 15 days.   

I know, I know.  It can be confusing for Hollywood directors, even the ones who aren't sitting around snorting substances and seducing women.  But you're in luck.  Young lawyers are starving right now.  The market is saturated as older attorneys postpone retirement and law schools are increasing enrollment to boost their bottom line.  Look it up online, just search “Is Law School a Scam” and you’ll see that new lawyers are willing to work as administrative assistants, barristas and house cleaners.  You could hire one of those young lawyers for $20 an hour . . . and after a $60 or $80 investment, you could make a movie without so many distracting errors. 

In other words, you could make a movie even a lawyer would enjoy.

Sincerely,

SEE