Domestic Enemy

Dear Stephen Hawking-

I know you probably already know this, but extra-terrestrial aliens aren't taking over the world.  And neither are illegal aliens, just in case you were wondering.  What's really taking over the world is this:  STUFF.  If you don't believe me, I've got proof.

I moved into my home five years ago without a single glass vase.  Shortly thereafter, a friend sent me a small bouquet to celebrate my new digs.  I remember exactly which vase that bouquet was in, too--small and round with frilled edges.  I didn't exactly know what to do with the glass vase but it seemed like a good thing to save just in case.  Recognizing that I would need that little vase rarely (if ever),  I put it in the inaccessible cabinet above the fridge and forgot about it. 

Over the weekend, I cleaned out that same totally inaccessible cabinet above the fridge and look:

That one vase morphed into nine.  (I think they call that prolific asexual reproduction.)  I am not a hoarder and I've never taken, borrowed or otherwise acquired a vase for free.  I can also assure you that I have never, ever purchased a vase.  Finally, I can attest to the fact that I have not received flowers at home nine times.  (I may have gotten flowers at work, but I leave those vases in office kitchens--I don't want to bring any more STUFF into my house.)  So you see, there are no other explanations. Alien invasions are just a distraction while STUFF is taking over the world. 

So Stephen, I know you spend your time solving the mysteries of the universe but if you ever get bored, maybe you could figure this one out?  In the meantime, I'm taking these to the glass recycling station.  I don't want to be responsible for anymore unsafe asex taking place in my kitchen.

Sincerely,

SEE